bottled up

I guess I have to be the rock. The one that doesn't show what she's feeling because she is too afraid to let down the rest of her family. The one that doesn't cry when things get a bit too tough, but instead she lets her family cry to her and tells them that it will be okay and to only look at the positives. The one that physically and mentally can not cry in public or around people anymore because she is so afraid that they will get sick of her whinging and sobbing. The one that can only vent to a fucking blog spot because her fear of losing friends is becoming more of a phobia than a dread. I hate this and I honestly don't know what the fuck to do, say or feel next.